he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
