I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
