Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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