Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
