Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
