youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
