i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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