Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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