I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
