I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
