You can't special order awesome
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
