I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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