dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
