I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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