Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
