She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
