Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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