Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
