moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
