Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
