you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
