So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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