I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
