Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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