you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
