We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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