R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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