What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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