My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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