Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
