I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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