don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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