Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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