Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
