we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
