My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I deserve this hangover.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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