You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
