I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
