Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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