Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
