when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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