I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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