New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
