She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the liver wants what the liver wants
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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