And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
