I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
