I think my vagina is haunted
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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