so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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