I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
