I want to make a zoo with you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
